So it's my birthday, and I've enjoyed the day sans work--in my pj's (dress of choice), listening to 70's/80's music, sliding around the hardwood floors in my fuzzy socks, baking Christmas cookies for those I love. Because this warms my heart. Because I'm a Christmas baby (or was due on Christmas, but that's a long and sweet story for another day), reflecting all the while on the past year and looking forward to the new. But more, considering my lap around the sun, I’m grateful for another year.

This year of 2020 has wreaked havoc on so many people's lives. Lives lost, lives at risk, lives not knowing how to cope, lives scared. All of them.

There have been many days when I'd rather hide under the covers than pretend it's another Groundhog Day of staying inside and pretending the world was not coming to an end. And then gratitude struck.

I have a home, I have two happy, healthy sons, I have a job and another in the making, and a future that is bright, because I'm optimistic. It's a choice. So is love. And I choose love.

I could focus on the negatives--and damn, there have been big ones. I lost my mother, some would say, in April, as covid set in and she hopefully didn't understand. As it turns out, I didn't lose her; she is in a more peaceful place, and I must have faith in that being a better place than here, waiting to understand this new reality and wondering why no one was coming to visit her. That tugs at my heartstrings. But in the moments of my fuzzy socks, of rolling out sugar cookie dough and singing along to the music, I hear her voice and feel her beside me, and know I didn't "lose her." I know she's wondering how and why I bother to make so very many cookies!

I could focus on the negatives, or I could recognize that my younger son just graduated a semester early, with honors, from a prestigious university, because he is driven and incredible. We celebrated dinner with him this evening, and I saw so many things: An older brother's pride, a younger one's silliness that I hope he never loses, and the ties that bind them forever. An older one with goals and passions that drive him to work incredibly hard. A younger one with impressive grades and goals, who's also falling in love. I pause as I type that, as any Mom would do. Which matters more?

I could focus on the setbacks I've had, on the negatives, on the shit sandwiches I've swallowed, on the obstacles I've found unfathomable... or I could stare down at the bracelet on my wrist that tells me how much I am loved, or the hydrangeas on my table that lets me know my sons listen to little details, or the Spotify list that brings me back to a place where I felt more confident, and it's now empowering, or the chocolates from someone who was sharing her own gratitude. Let's focus on the positive, because that's what's going to propel us rather than drag us down.

What do you have to be grateful for? (comment below!)

Finding a wrapped box of English Toffee wrapped in dark chocolate? Spending the evening with an adorable dog snuggling in your lap? Watching your children converse, laugh, be silly, share, and open up? Having faith that you're going to head back to the Cape soon and walk along the beach you've called home since you were a toddler... life is good.

I end this 2020 year and begin a new one with a happy heart, with optimism, with goals, with dreams, and with the loves of my life by my side. The universe has my back, and I entrust it forthwith.